Therapy? (1 Viewer)

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staphory said:
Due to ongoing issues my wife thinks I need therapy. She discussed it with her therapist and that lady agrees. I am not one that sees any way that just talking about my issues with a complete stranger would help in any way. I’m more of an introvert and never feel completely comfortable around people I know well. Trying to discuss personal stuff with a complete stranger would be very stressful for me.
Nevermind the fact that maybe I just need to man up and get over myself.
Anybody got any experience with this sort of thing?
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A truckload of experience speaking here.

It isn't just someone listening to you, it is someone who can help you with tools to cope with "ongoing issues". At first, therapy seems to be a difficult thing, but with time you come to appreciate the value and you will see changes in your approach to those "ongoing issues". I cannot recommend therapy enough for everyone. (Mostly because we're all carrying something we need help with.)

You can shop around for a therapist too. Better Help is good at that if you're comfortable with remote. Recommendations from personal doctors are usually pretty good, but it is important to find a therapist you're comfortable with.
 
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I found it hugely beneficial when I was going. Had to stop for financial reasons but am looking to start going again soon.

In my case, what I found really great was my therapist pointing out that I had a complete handle on *what* my issues were and did a fantastic job of self analyzing them (ahe basically said I'd already done the diagnostic part for her, which made her job easier.), but also making me realize that my biggest issue that I had developed zero tools or ability to actually address the problems. So our big thing was accountability and strategy for how to do that. And just having someone to talk to about that stuff share the successes, workshop the failures, was huge to me. I really can't wait to get back to it.
 
Bleu Raeder said:
You can shop around for a therapist too. Better Help is good at that if you're comfortable with remote. Recommendations from personal doctors are usually pretty good, but it is important to find a therapist you're comfortable with.
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I've been wondering if Better Help is a viable option. Been considering speaking with someone for a while now. Just never pull the trigger.
 
staphory said:
Due to ongoing issues my wife thinks I need therapy. She discussed it with her therapist and that lady agrees. I am not one that sees any way that just talking about my issues with a complete stranger would help in any way. I’m more of an introvert and never feel completely comfortable around people I know well. Trying to discuss personal stuff with a complete stranger would be very stressful for me.
Nevermind the fact that maybe I just need to man up and get over myself.
Anybody got any experience with this sort of thing?
Click to expand...
we've been through this and what i've found out is my wife is way smarter than me - just do what she asks - you'll be better off in the long run
 
UpHere said:
we've been through this and what i've found out is my wife is way smarter than me - just do what she asks - you'll be better off in the long run
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Not really. Men have been trained by society that women's needs are more important than theirs. I get that it's usually a joke etc. However, if you truly are in a one sided relationship where you are constantly invalidated in such a way, then you cannot remain happy and healthy in it.

I know because I've been in such relationships. Women can be narcissists. They are indoctrinated from early on by just such messaging that if a man loves them, then his feelings don't matter. Men are indoctrinated that he is supposed to cave.

It's fortified by such statements that her happiness is paramount if you want sex. It's a terrible message because daughters may learn it's ok to play games and manipulate men to get their way. Sons may ignore their true emotions and boundaries because they believe a mates needs more important than theirs.

I'm not saying this is always the case. I am saying we've an entire thread dedicated to extremely entitled 'Karen's' and their narcissistic behavior. Do you think she behaves with more respect to her loved ones? I believe it's more likely she's so self important because she faces no resistance from a family she's completely controlled while everyone pretended it's ok.
 
Heidi dropped this video a few hrs ago. It speaks to unhealthy habit formation in ways that illustrate we don't always see our damage because our brains actively function to hide it from us and it isn't always a big event.

It clarified my identification with the OP's stated hesitation and concern. When you don't understand healthy interactions, then you don't think anything is wrong. That normal feeling of dread and urge to do literally anything else is a continuation of your failing coping methods. It's comfortable and safe enough to prevent you from facing things you may be better off conquering.



 
Bleu Raeder said:
A truckload of experience speaking here.

It isn't just someone listening to you, it is someone who can help you with tools to cope with "ongoing issues". At first, therapy seems to be a difficult thing, but with time you come to appreciate the value and you will see changes in your approach to those "ongoing issues". I cannot recommend therapy enough for everyone. (Mostly because we're all carrying something we need help with.)

You can shop around for a therapist too. Better Help is good at that if you're comfortable with remote. Recommendations from personal doctors are usually pretty good, but it is important to find a therapist you're comfortable with.
Click to expand...
We didn't get this far in life without accumulating baggage. Much of which we wrongfully dismiss. Maybe we should all make a list of events that have messed us up, then ask family and friends if they have anything to add. I did that and it was very enlightening.

Things I never dealt with:
1) a car accident in Baltimore. Killed 3 close friends and left another emotionally scarred for life. Never mind the rest of the neighborhood and the families. If we had remained in the old neighborhood I'd likely have been in that car.
2) My graduation advisor botching my graduation audit and costing me 2 more years of undergrad.
3) My first wife's second and third miscarriages at 16 and 18 weeks. The first at 22 weeks changed me forever.

The list goes on but it's time to focus on what is good in life and not the innumerable setbacks.
 
Tapxe said:
Not really. Men have been trained by society that women's needs are more important than theirs. I get that it's usually a joke etc. However, if you truly are in a one sided relationship where you are constantly invalidated in such a way, then you cannot remain happy and healthy in it.

I know because I've been in such relationships. Women can be narcissists. They are indoctrinated from early on by just such messaging that if a man loves them, then his feelings don't matter. Men are indoctrinated that he is supposed to cave.

It's fortified by such statements that her happiness is paramount if you want sex. It's a terrible message because daughters may learn it's ok to play games and manipulate men to get their way. Sons may ignore their true emotions and boundaries because they believe a mates needs more important than theirs.

I'm not saying this is always the case. I am saying we've an entire thread dedicated to extremely entitled 'Karen's' and their narcissistic behavior. Do you think she behaves with more respect to her loved ones? I believe it's more likely she's so self important because she faces no resistance from a family she's completely controlled while everyone pretended it's ok.
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it may have come off as joking, but she is genuinely smarter than I - I couldn't do our taxes to save my life, or pay all the bills on time - I dunno about the Karen vs sex thing, all i was saying was that she knows more than me in things that matter day to day (she even bought me a book called "what to do when i'm gone")
Man, I hope i'm not the only helpless husband out there

to get back to staphory's post - i am the same, an introvert that even has trouble posting on an anonymous message board (was recommended to me to do) - i don't like to meet people and i sure as sheet don't want to talk to a stranger about my issues - but the threat of having to do that made me reflect on the issues that were at hand, and I decided that working on my problems was easier than learning how to do taxes, lol
 
Tapxe said:
Not really. Men have been trained by society that women's needs are more important than theirs. .
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huh.
I have never heard this perspective at all
Most women i know would argue that ‘men’ (not necessarily ‘a man’ which might be a distinction worth discussing) are taught to be dismissive of women’s feelings (and to a degree all feelings)

Men are taught to subvert their feelings into work, then sports, then drink and nowadays video games
Putting the feelings of women and kids on par with our own would be a positive development
 

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