Heidi dropped this video a few hrs ago. It speaks to unhealthy habit formation in ways that illustrate we don't always see our damage because our brains actively function to hide it from us and it isn't always a big event.
It clarified my identification with the OP's stated hesitation and concern. When you don't understand healthy interactions, then you don't think anything is wrong. That normal feeling of dread and urge to do literally anything else is a continuation of your failing coping methods. It's comfortable and safe enough to prevent you from facing things you may be better off conquering.